Monday, March 05, 2007

why do I punish myself?

My face is livid this week with the nasties that OTHER PEOPLE - yes thats customers - have done to me. An Indian man - well two of them, on different nights, tried to kiss me (eeewww) as soon as I introduced myself (eeewwwwwww) and then BHAM!!!I have a reminder that lasts, that I didn't want and definately don't like.

The 1st was painful but short. I had rows of hair extensions clipped into my hair - you can take them in or out as you please, on a daily basis. They are attached to tiny little metal combs, and I had 3 x3 sets, plus singles.........lets say 12 1" combs hidden in my hair.
Bastard guy was all fingers hands, I was practically falling out of my seat to get away from the squirmy mofo....lets just ask 4 a dance then move on quickstep girl, I am thinking - when he decides he wants to kiss me.
"well on the cheek?" sucker me, god, I suppose so, erm, erm,

Then I turn my head and offer my right cheek and he takes his two massive paws, wrap them around my cranium and pulls it to the other side, trying to reach what I don't know.But of course, I was screaming too much - all those little metal combs had just been pushed into my scalp. Ouch!
It is testament to the extensions tho that they stayed in and didn't look frizzy or messed up at all.

The 2nd time was no pain, but a bloody nuisance that has lasted 4 days now. Again, a little Indian man tried to kiss me, this time doing the old one on each cheek and then WHOOO lunge 4 the lips trick. Well ta for your kicks, you sick doctor. I never want to go to your hospital because you have gived me a little friend on my top lip you infected piece of scum. Again - I caught one only a month ago, this time from my scabby boyfriend.

Now I know it is politically incorrect but it is always the Indians who try and kiss you. Westerners touch, and Asian men do a "I think its sly but really its just weird" single finger stroke down your thight thing. I will have to delve into the topic of nationalities another day, the stereotypes are suprising in a strip club atmosphere!!

So please, if you fancy popping in for a couple of dances, leave us sexy girls alone and if you are going to try touch me, kiss me, spank me or whatever, remember that it is illegal and I absolutely detest it. I am a nice English rose trying to get myself thru uni, and you are fooling urself if you think otherwise.

Friday, February 02, 2007

work is a blur

Jesus, my memory must be terrible I am sitting here, pen poised as it were, to talk about last night and I can't remember a damn least not instantly.

need more tea

Ah yes.. last night was a powerful night, I had my new hair on and practically prowled around the club, shaking my stuff. From a slow start of only 2 dances in 3 hours, I jumped on a friends table who was sat with her regular. I did ask, of course - I'm not that bitchy or pushy!!
But they did have cristal, and I felt so thirsty......

Anyway, I ended up getting £250 - a nice half hour agreement that dragged pleasently into more of an hour. As a bonus, when I cashed out no-one asked for the sitdown commision. Please god, can they not remember tonight, and thus save me £90? Pleaseeeee...

oh how funny, as I write this JUST JACK is singing, "yes she wants money, money, money money!!"

That made me feel so good that I was all smiles and sexy thought for the last hour, and practiced my best social skills on the few remaning punters, with a hit rate of 100% out of ohhh, 3-4 personages.

As a dancer, you are used to getting knocked back, at least every few guys, so I felt on a high as I went home.

Found my boy on the sofa, looking all cute, warm, snuggle and ever so slightly smelly - that curled up in bed sweetness that your nostrils catch when you kiss them and lie on the pillow. Being a powerful predator, however, I jumped on him, smothering him in kisses hoping that his cock would grow nice and hard so that I could jump on that instead.

Unfortunately, he just went "ohhhewwwnooooo" and tried to catch me in a big sleepy hug.
He did apologse this am tho, adding that next time I should have just stuck it in my mouth. But hey, the moment passes so quickly, and it was almost 5am, and I still had to take off my make-up, brush my teeth - all of the usual ablutions to perform, let alone perform for him as well!!!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

My itch that I haven't scratched waltzed in last night... basically a guy that I have always fancied, had a few dates with and some cheeky snogs.. but not past 1st base. he spent loadsa dosh on me but i just want 2 screw his brains out.
But i love my boy, I couldn't...

life is such a bitch

Friday, January 19, 2007

like water down a drain

I swear, whoever said srippers make pots of money has something to answer for. Because since that myth came about, everyone wants a slice of the pie - and as the yaers have gone on, the bites just keep on getting bigger.
Tonight, as I sit here eating pasta leftovers, I look in my bag and see £300. cash. £295 to be exact. You know how much of that I will get? £120. tops.
When I started a bag like that was worth £215. take off taxi and tax and you are looking at £180. So in 5 years of dancing inflation is up, my rent is up, my costs are up - the tube and taxis are definately up - yet my bag is worth less. MUCH LESS
ANd of course now I am at uni - and did I mention that my boyfriend - who has been a domineering knob recently and somehow subconciously turns me off work.... is out of work himself. Thats the building contractor trade for you.
So less money, more expense.
In the good old days, it was house fee - £85, every night, as soon as you walked in. 10% off the club funny money. No hassle. You knew whre you stood. If you couldn't work hard enough to get that cost price, tough!!
then it was 20%, plus the £85. Didn't ask, just changed it. the contract, the rules, just gone. "Lets have a meeting and tell all 200 odd of you how you will be working in the future."
Then it was an extra £90 out of every £300 if you got a nice , good pay windfall sit-down customer.
Now - after another one-way street of a meeting - its a third off everything.
Again, so less money, more expense - ans so many new rules we cant relax - and neither can you!!
How is a customer or me gonna relax if you have to dip ur hand into ur pocket every 15 mins - you don't and we gotta move on baby, or face a nice old 1/3 of projected $$ fine.
If I am late = FINE
dace close = FINE
even ....chewing gum = FINE

oh just leave me alone and let me do this shitty long hours talk to drunks job will you. IN PEACE

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

ssssllllllooooowwwww january

well this business certainly has its highs and lows. december the club was swarmed with so many men I barely knew where to look, although the majority semed to be cheap and 1 dance only types. Still, I was swept off my feet the majority of the time, and came hope nursing a fat wallet and sore ankles. Now the club is as quiet as a mouse - I bring in a book with me - and a full pack of 20 May-I-borrow lites so I can sit and smoke my way through the dull empty oblivion.

Last night I strolled in, dolled up, and did 2 dances - that means that I left in the red!! I probably lost around £30 actually just going to work !!!!

On that sad note, I am off to grab a bite at yo Sushi with half a dozen other dancers and their boyfriends. ALL long term strippers have long term boyfriends, I am afraid. Sorry to burst ur bubble, but I am not in a very giving mood right now. Will save that for work tonight

Thursday, December 21, 2006

shit xmas

god what happened to all of my 'hard work, every day, bundles of £££' ? its all been a pipe-dream. You guys are such skinflints this year its ridiculous. Bah Humbug.
I went parying for 4 days on the trot instead, and come back to work with a 'so u decided to come in then, huh?' FUCK OFF
My voice was going - wish i could have virtually chatted to those customers, everyone had cigars or blew fag breath in my face. I desperately wanted one but my throat wouldn't allow it. still, my medical kit got me going for the last haul:
*multi-vit tablet
*vit C tablet
*1 beechams powder (in cold water - no kettle in the changing rooms, ya'know?
*1/4 e tablet
*dab of speed
*a cheeky line
*3 vodka redbulls
*glass of shitty cheap champagne

and i ran around in that huge cold club - the heating is broken - i had goosebumps on stage!! I barely wanted to rub my hands all over my body and spin around the pole - my hands felt like ice, u don't want those on ur tits even if they are urs!

At the end of a miserable night, I made barely £200. Its the week b4 xmas for christs sake!! Spend those city bonuses, please

Thursday, November 09, 2006

annoying yankee fucker

Last night was the worst. I had a customer and wanted to punch his smarmy little lights out.

Around a year and a half ago my friends and I rocked into a little China Town place after dancing the night away at some gay bar. We were loud, trashy and quite, quite drunk. I must have ate about 5 plates of chcicken wings, - being the token stripper amongst a load of gay students I could afford it!! We got talking to the table of American businessmen sitting next to us, yaknow, the usual "What can we do in this town" stuff. I probably told them to go to my club, its open late enough!
I totally forgot about that night when last summer I came back from NYC ( how very cosmopolitan I am when single) and there was a voicemail on my phone from one of the dweeby fuckers. I had drunkly given them my number!!!


But of course, I didn't reply - it was too late. Then this week I got another text - "Peter American" came up on the sender screen. I thought it was a customer that I met in my club in NYC, or here, or wherever, but I told him I was working tonight so if he wanted to see me so much, he could come in, thankyou very much. Like I am going to use up one of my nights off on going around London with some man I can't even remember!

HIM: (TXT) That's a great idea- I have a business dinner now - I hope its done by 9! Peter

He comes in, and texts me again - I am sitting by the front stage, wearing a dark blue sut I hope you recognise me. I look like a YAnk!!

Yank? Wanker more like. But I see who he is ( can still barely remember meeting him, let alone remembering his face)
Anyway, turns out he owns his own investment firm. £££$$$$$$ hooray££££$$$$$

We got on great - or at least you pretend you do, I haven't felt such contempt for a dweeby sleazy little shit before. What the hell was I thinking a year ago? He didn't know that I worked there, but it was his dreams come true, and yes he would love to see me ....blah blah....

Peter; So what are those little rooms back there?
Me: Lets go take a look - I can give you a few dances in there. (DON'T FEIGN INNOCENCE WITH ME)
Peter: Yes but explain to me. What goes on in there exactly?
Me: (smiling) I get to take every little last thing off - I bet thats not how you expected to see me but its too good an opportunity to refuse. (STOP WASTING MY TIME AND GET IN THERE)
Peter: So let me see. You take me in there and I get to see all ur beautiful body....
So my options are.......
Fancy this happening - you know, if I had imagined this last year....

In fact, the whole night the cock was repeating things DELIBERATELY to waste MY time and save HIM money. Then he insisted I drank tequila, so I got stonking drunk and couldn't then go hustle - thanks for forcing it down my throat you prick.

He said we would do a sitdown, so went to the ATM, which was out of order, then called the chip girl over TWICE but he kept on saying "time out, time out, " - possiblly the most annoying phrase in the world.

Well I was getting desperate - the club was full, every1 making money bar me, so I called him a prick, blamed the tequila, said it was all his fault and stormed off for a bit of a cry in the hen house ( our changing rooms)

Then I came out, after wondering why I had let myself get so upset over some annoyance waste of space creature thing.

He was still there, said he would get me some money, we went for a double dance with Rouge, then when the money girl came over he said time out again!! And walked off.

they get ur hopes up, waste ur time, then if the manager has charged you for a sit down, maybe your money - at least you have to argue and beg with them after. I thought I was self employed!! Not the way your treated tho.

I promptly made 6 more dances, and went home at 3.20am. I had wasted 2 1/2 hrs with him - thats a potential £600, when I made £150 off him - and have a horrible hangover this am.


Well, now that off my chest, I can go make myself pretty in the university toilets and forget all about it. Rather than save last nights money, or pay bills, I am taking the boy out for dinner at a posh Japanese restaurant. I have a TasteLondon card, so can get discouts at a bunch of fancy restaurants - whoohoo!!
See - a night of pain, a bit of financial gain(not enough), and blam! a night of romance with a NICE man.
cant wait for the sex at the end, either.....